LIFE: Some certain yet weird questions 

After 3 months, I am again here with my blog. I feel like there is someone who is listening to me. I feel as if yes, I have my own world my own place where no one can revolt, no one can stop me. I used to write diary, but somewhere lost that habit, I don't know why I lost this habit but it had to someday.... My life isn't going to be like King Babur or like Anne frank that it will be published. I stopped writing diary and maybe I lost all my good habits. A great contribution goes to today's active social world and today's active participation of youth in politics. As elections are going on, there are numerous numbers of debates going on and numerous numbers of relations are made, are broken and are reformed. Well, we all are politicians by birth, we manipulate people, we ask for help from someone, and at times we return the favor, while at times we don't. My last post was about my definition of failure. I wrote about karma. Do your work and god will help you out. Now, this blog is about.... wait I’ll have to think ... about what?

There is hardly anything that I can think. Failure, Reject, reject, waitlist.... ohhh u converted?? Congo ... my bad luck... Mom no chance for MBA this year... Dude, I really worked hard but I don’t know... Come on ... My interviews were awesome ... GD was great ... interviewer was impressed.... Yar, still rejected... Well Elections coming... Hate modi .... How dare u to speak anything to kejriwal .....Final SEM.... project :(....... WHAT?? Dude u were not even planning for MBA, How u converted ... How come only I am left? This is sad... I am feeling, I have lost everything.... No hope..... Only hope is waiting till June.....else cat next year.......aakar my small startup is a little success ....but god knows…what will happen... where will end up …. Sad L. Past 3 months has passed in a constant torture. 5visits to Mumbai, 3 to Ahmadabad, 1 to pune and what do u get, a reject. Still, waiting for some institute that might change my luck.

 Day in Day out, all I am thinking is what am I doing to my life? Is that my overconfidence or I really don't deserve or I am that dumb to not able to crack an MBA interview. It hurts when you yourself start feeling low about yourself when you look at that person in the mirror. You feel as if your real being is caged between the mirror and real world and is working hard to get out but losing somewhere...and one fine day while sitting outside I went into this philosophical expedition and came across some certain yet weird thoughts....

Life is beautiful or is it horrendously insane?

Amazing is this concept of birth and death.

Hahaha a lottery ticket has an easy algorithm rather than this birth and death cycle . . .

Is this really what we are here for? 
What if all of a sudden someone pricks the bubble and wakes you up from the dream?
What if actually we are still in dreams and someone says hey wake up what you were seeing was a dream?
What if all of a sudden we come to know that the money, the luxury, the life after which we are working hard is actually an illusion...
What if someone comes and tells you that you might win the race but you will not be called winner...
If someone tells you that your whole life, your every moment is just a myth, which is some supreme soul's method of entertaining himself....

This will come as a shocker for all of us, and we will be tempted to think that aren't we acting like those jokers of circus, those jokers who will laugh, cry, fight, hit and will provide the entertainment for an hour and then will move away for next show just like our soul changes the body. Maybe, roles differ from show to show but in the end we are just here to entertain others or to do something or to make name ... or what..? Is there any answer? Is there an answer that what we are doing just now, what we are planning has any outcome or not..? 

  Sitting here on grass, I can see an airplane flying up high in the sky. I felt how easy it has been for us to travel through different parts of the world. What if all of a sudden the pilot feels that wait, am not here to fly this machine .I Am actually up here for other things and he stops flying his airplane. What if the boatman while sailing his boat jumps in the river saying why should I take you on the bank? You travel yourself, I want to swim and here I go. That certainly doesn't make sense but who are we to decide what makes sense and what doesn't or for that matter who is the one who will decide? Are we all not caged in our own body that is just like a machine or a TV remote that works fast when new battery is added, after sometime we will push harder, and then we will move close to TV and will trot ahead and finally will die...

Life - love, I, friends/family, enemy . . .

Nobody has ever been able to answer that why do we take birth, why do we call someone mother and someone father? Why do we nurture our life? Why do those tiny legs try to stand up on their own? Why do we grow up? Why do we move on? Why do we run after luxury, money and name? Who are we? What is our motive? Why do we enact this drama? Why do we cry, laugh, love, Smile, care, fight, dance, sing and why do we live if in the end we are going to die?

Life- starts from tedious 9 months of dark walls, maybe every child is a winner as he or she had endurance and patience to stand upside down for 9 months in mother's womb. Life starts when a child smiles at a small touch of her mother. Life starts when a child stands up on his own legs and the father looks at him or her in amazement. So many extracts, so many conclusions of this huge colossal word called life. How can a group of people all of a sudden form a combined meaningful word called family? Why do people fight for power when in the end they are going to be vanished and will be forgotten under mud and there would be nothing but his or her remains? Why they dream when in the end the eyes through they dream will burn into ashes and meet the surroundings and will fly away after their death and all people will remember that yes he dreamt and at times people will not also remember you, forget your dreams and that vicious cycle will continue.

Why do we make an unbreakable bond with someone and still manage to live after he or she leaves this world? People talk about optimism but isn't that selfishness? I am sorry for what happened to you I loved you but I need to continue with my life. Why do we endlessly roam without any result? Why do we move from each place to other without knowing the importance of what actually life is?

We keep on travelling, we fight for positions, We start with A(capital letter), pause at comma, express at colon:, take a breath at semi-colon;, ask at question mark, move on at 2 dots, laugh at exclamatory, describe at hyphen- , make relations at underscore_, Add friends at +, subtract sorrows at -, multiply money *, divide hardships, evaluate our small results at percentage and =, give importance to someone at hash tag#, get close to many at attherate @ and then finally end at full-stop. Isn't this amazing??

What if a doctor stops operating a patient and says it’s too much. Why I am saving his life as in the end he and me both will die? Stop this shit, I ll not operate...

These questions keep on harassing me. . Why the fuck we give fuck to the life if in the end we know life is going to fuck us.
Why the hell a person visits temples and urge for good health if still he will never remain immortal . . . .

Amazing is this microcosm . . . Amazing is this game, a joke, a drama, a magic show where the one up there doesn't know who will live how . . . . 

Why do we endlessly run and perspire and still in the end each single part of us will move into the surroundings and will disappear like the smoke of that cigarette. Life is similar to the cigarette where 10 of those enter in this world under different labels .One goes to a millionaire and other on some torn battered lips. Each one has its own price and still all they do is they burn. Some gives a better reaction due to the tobacco inside it but still some among them falls down and comes under wheels or legs for no mistake of their, while others keep on burning . Some will end their life at a halfway mark without any mistake of his or her while some might get life after death when someone picks up the leftovers. Still, whatever and how much branded they are, in the end they all are harmful. A foolish will smoke it though it will not provide any happiness or any enjoyment except nostalgia and pampered wounds. Still, the cigarette will burn and complete its life. Some might be broken from between but still will manage to give all the pleasure. Life is like that, we know it is harmful , we know it is going to end , we know we have our own brand , we know we might fall to be someone big or maybe we might be battered down but still we keep on burning keep on. Running just aimlessly and without any use. . . . . .
Life ha ha ha what's that bro?

karma kar, fal ki chinta mat kar....

It is almost 6 months that I have picked up the courage to log in and write this blog. What stopped me from past 6 months is what am still searching for. I was preparing for my CAT examinations and for that I had stopped writing blogs, I stopped Facebook (it was life for me at one moment :D) and then missed navratri, missed so many fun moments from life and then came the litmus test in which I failed. But, before I failed,I went to goa along-with couple of my friends utkarsh and Roy. Goa, memories are always part of our life and I managed to set one more feather of memories in my crown. After that there was a beautiful journey of IIT Bombay- Mood Indigo 2013- . How does this techofreeks organize such an awesome event? I spent some of the best days of my life at mood Indigo. I always wanted to write this blog but somehow I had a fear, I don't know what kind of fear, but I really was afraid that I have lost my writing skills somewhere and like every other things which I take up as a zealot and end up as a bore. I thought I have lost this time also.

It was 31st December 2013 and I felt how I have grown up year after year. It was just yesterday that I entered this engineering world and how all of a sudden I am now planning for my post graduation. After giving my XAT, I was eagerly waiting for my results. Soon, shockers after shockers started and I came in front of 92 percentile of Snap. I cried whole night and was in utter shock till evening. My dream of SIBM P was shattered and I had to come out of the fairy tale. I waited for my Cat result and in the morning of makarsankrati (kite flying day), there came another shocker, 86.95 percentile in CAT. I cried that day thinking that, I was laughing exactly a year ago on people who got 93 percentile that, “What the hell he prepared in last 2 years? ... And now GOD was being unfair with me". I failed in almost all the exams which I gave, be it Nmat, Snap, Cat or Xat.  Well in XAt, I scored 87.65 percentile but that was certainly not enough and I failed. The bitter part of human-beings is we have never been able to define the word-failure. I gave my cat on 31st oct thinking that I ll get more than 94 percentile. I gave Snap with a dream that I ll get SIBM PUNE call and hopefully I ll convert it. I still remember how I wassaped a big inspirational speech to all my friends with a message that it is time to payback, it is time to show the world that we have not wasted our past 2 years. It is time to know that yes we really have worked hard and we owe our success and our dreams to the exams which we will give in the coming days. But, Somewhere I failed. Somewhere I failed as my definition of failure was too limited. As I said we have never been able to understand what failure is? I understood when some of my friends called me to say congratulations that you have left 87 percentage of people behind, Cheer up. I understood that we draw so thin lines that it gets very difficult for us to travel on them.

When I opened my eyes and saw the world around me, I found that there were lots of people whose dreams were shattered.Some had bad luck while many were accusing someone or the other. I felt maybe people were correct. In snap, the whole system had changed and academic profile took a Frankenstein approach for Snap to destroy its own identity among student fraternity. On the other end IIM Indore and Prometric together acted as partners in crime and played the game of ,"ACCURACY"  where a well deserved candidate gets less percentile because of his some wrong attempts while a poorly prepared guy gets ahead by just attempting 30 percent of questions correctly. Student fraternity expressed their concern over this and started revolt groups and are now planning to file the petition in court and I felt yup this money minded education institutes should be taught lessons but then felt, "this is life". Life is unfair to us at times and at times it gives us unexpected things. Yes, I do believe that we ourselves are our own creators but I again feel that everything has a correct time and when it is not your time, it is certainly not your time. We have heard so many failure stories of people all around the world. Amitabh bacchan who was rejected at ALL INDIA RADIO or ALBERT EINSTEIN who was not able to speak and was told by his teachers that he will never able to do anything.There are so many example be it oprah winfrey or beatles or michael jordan or walt disney or thomas alva edison. The day on which we start learning from our failure is the day when we are back to square one. How beautifully Thomas Alva Edison had said, “I have not failed but I have been successful that in how many ways bulb cannot be made."

I am representing that part of the country which gets frustrated very easily-youth. The problem with some of us is we are an engineer and lots of engineers feel that why they are engineers? In fact the problem with lots of the students in the worlds largest democratic is that the children have never been able to be democratic and follow their dreams. My parents have supported me but as a child I saw all my sisters and cousins becoming engineers and doctors that I had a pre-notion to join engineering. I know, lots of people reading here will sympathize with my emotions. The problem doesn't stop here because we all feel that we have been at wrong place doing wrong job. From, past 1 month I was thinking the same thing that what I have been doing to my life and now I need to get into B schools that I never thought. Obviously no management institute is bad because"it does not matter whether you are at  the top of the crust or bottom of the crust unless you are in the crust", but it certainly takes time to again come on the track.

I felt that how selfish we all are?

How mean are we?

The problem with the world begun on that very day when the term Homo sapiens turned into human being and that was when all that civilized melo-drama came into our life which in fact brought this desire to excel and strive ahead. It is rightly said ,"Man is a bundle of Desires". There is a vicious circle which moves around our life. A guy walking with bare legs on grass sees a person ahead walking with shoes, the guy with shoes feels jealous of the one on cycle. The person on cycle sees a person on motorcycle and thinks,"How easily he can travel without any hard work." The one on motorcycle sees the one in car and feels jealous that he has an AC car. The one driving car in traffic sees helicopter envies of the one in helicopter. Finally, the one in helicopter gives a look on land and feels that how care-free the guy is walking on grass enjoying the nature. 

It is not our problem that we fail, but it is our problem when we envy of the one who has succeeded. I believe that maybe he might not be that deserving but there is somewhere someone who is controlling the theory of equality and relativity. I strongly believe that the amount of success and failures are not permanent but they are distributed from one person to other for certain amount of time. Now the time is what we need to search for and it depends on how much one deserves. If you believe that you ought to have success then maybe whatever hard work you did will never go waste and will help you to regain yourself and find a new being. Maybe, the relativity theory is against you at this moment but that supreme soul has known your assiduity and tenacity and will certainly bring success in your laps and maybe this time for a longer period. It is just that the world is playing a big game of pillow passing where failure and success both are transferred to each other and it remains for a moment with each and everyone but the moment when music stops it has equal probability of giving you success or failure.....

There is a story about this, once upon a time there were 2 stones in a dense forest. Now both the stones were besides each other. Many travellers used to come and sit on the stones. There was one stone which was little sharpened from the top and so no one ever dared to sit on it. That stone used to taunt the round shaped stone as an idiot, who serves people for nothing and which bears unnecessary weight on itself. One fine day there was a big shiv bhakta who forgot his direction in the forest, at that time he saw this round shaped stone and it carved the stone and made a shiv-ling out of it and started praying to god. It happened suc that out of co-incidence some of his fellow companions found him. That bhakta then felt that it was only due to that shiv linga and so he then made a temple. That same stone on which people used to sit was now worshiped as god and on the other end the one which was proudy and was enjoying its freedom was used as a place to break coconut in pieces for offerings in temple. So THAT IS LIFE AND THAT IS THEORY OF RELATIVITY AND EQUALITY :) ;) 

I would quote Shri krishna"hey partha, tu bas karma kar, fal ki chinta mat kar...."